My father has a narcissistic personality (a my way or high way kind of person). When the family initiated conversations around arranged marriage, my father would send me the profile of a boy over message, wait for my response, if I said 'No', he would yell and scream at me for having high expectations and not willing to compromise.
My every meeting with a boy would take place with a worried feeling that if I didn't like this person my father would throw a fit over it, yelling, screaming and calling me ungrateful. After being a part of this process for 4 years.
As time went by, I realised that my anxiety surged every time the topic of marriage would be brought up at home. I am feeling alone and exhausted more than ever. My father has turned bitter and has stopped talking to me for the past 1 year. My mother a victim of my father's scorn and wrath, so she doesn't actively contribute to this topic anymore.
I have no idea what I am suppose to do, doctors say being helpless, hopeless and worthless, is a dangerous thing.
If there are others on the forum who have insights or are willing to share how they might have nagivated through a similar experience. I would really appreciate".
😔 It sounds like you're going through a really tough time. Dealing with a narcissistic parent can be draining, and the pressure around arranged marriage can be overwhelming.
First, please know you're not alone. Many people have navigated similar situations. It's great you're reaching out for support.
Here are a few things that might help:
- *Prioritize your mental health*: Consider seeking therapy or counseling to work through your feelings and develop coping strategies.
- *Take small steps*: You don't have to have it all figured out right now. Focus on small, manageable steps towards independence, like learning a new skill or taking care of your physical health.
- *Build a support network*: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or online communities who can offer emotional support.
- *Explore your options*: You might want to consider talking to a career counselor or exploring job opportunities that align with your interests and skills.
Remember, you deserve to be happy and fulfilled. It's okay to take your time and make decisions that are right for you.
If you're feeling helpless or hopeless, please reach out to a crisis helpline or a trusted adult for support. In India, you can contact:
- AWARE (Arise): 9820466726 (women's rights organization)
- National Helpline for Women: 181 (24/7 helpline)
You're not alone, and there are people who care about you. 💕
Hey, first things first: Get a job. Could be anything. I come from a narcissistic household too. And I’m 3 years older than you and had a narcissistic upbringing. They will strip you of your personality completely. So, get a job, and then get out. It’s the only way. I am doing it right now, almost in my mid-thirties, going no contact. They will guilt-trip you into thinking you are abandoning them, but stand your ground. Their control is so abusive that people who have not endured this firsthand will not be able to understand your situation. Whichever forum I go, the only recurring advice is ‘Get out, go no contact’. You can do this. And your mum looks like an enabler (flying monkey maybe, like mine?). As far as I know, we’re just props in their sick story of ‘Me, me, me.’ They can’t view you as an independent person having feelings of your own. They use you, abuse you, and then discard you like tp. It’s very traumatic the things they say behind your back. So, come on. Just get out of there. Fighting! <3
And another thing is: If you think marriage is not for you, don’t force yourself into it. Since we haven’t had great examples of loving relationships growing up, there is a tendency to always attract narcissists back again into your life. So, take time to heal yourself, take it slow, you got this. To me personally, since I haven’t had much freedom in my prime adult years and always had to be the ‘cinderella’ of the house, I do not want to get back into another environment where the cycle repeats. Maybe you will find someone, maybe not. Just be kind to yourself whatever happens.
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